I was talking with someone the other day and I was getting frustrated.
He was sharing with me some challenges that he was having and I was asking him questions and challenging him to see where a solution or two might lie. But every question I asked, every idea that I threw out was met with essentially the same response. “Oh yeah, I thought of that, but it won’t work because…” or “I can’t do that because…”
It seemed that no matter what the question or idea, he had already decided that it wouldn’t work. He had already told himself why he couldn’t do it. At the end of this frustrating conversation, I ended up with a simple thought. “This guy is ruled by “can’t”.
In fact, I run into this more than I’d care to admit. It seems that organizations of all sizes and shapes are rife with people who seem to only see why something can’t be done. And it’s a shame.
I have been accused of being an “undying optimist” more than once. And I know that I sometimes may swing to the opposite end of this spectrum, believing that almost anything is possible. But I am also a realist. I understand the practical challenges of getting things done and I know that there are occasions where something just isn’t possible – that it really can’t be done.
But I also know from my experience that those times and situations are few and far between.
In most cases, all of those “can’ts” are just excuses, cop-outs or naiveteé. Most of the time, we are capable of achieving and accomplishing far more than we believe we can. But as I finished this frustrating conversation with this young man, I realized something else – and it helped me see the real problem.
Every time that he would respond to one of my questions or ideas, it always started with the word “I”. He was looking at everything through the prism of what he could do – on his own. And I believe, that is the problem.
If there is one thing that I have learned the hard way over the years it is this: Nothing of any great significance that I have ever achieved in my life was ever achieved by myself.
My life is montage of a great number of people that have entered my life and helped me in some way. From my parents, to a high school teacher, to great friends and business partners – I have really never done anything of true meaning on my own. I believe that is true of almost all of us – all of the time. The greatest people you can think of – whether great sports heros or national leaders – all had coaches and teams of people supporting them. They all had networks of people who believed in them and told them how much they believed in them.
As humans, we were built to live in community. We were designed to be in fellowship with others. Our greatest ideas and our greatest insights almost always come through interactions with those around us. Sometimes just talking out loud with my team will help me to clarify some thought I had been dreaming up.
We are all powerful beyond our own comprehension. I truly believe that each of us is capable of achieving far, far more than we are right now. But we cannot – and should not – do it alone. Our greatest strength lies in our ability to build a community of supporters. People who support us and who we support back. They are the people that will believe in us, encourage us when things are tough, inspire us and give us an opportunity to support them – and learn in the process.
Perhaps most of all, when we have this community around us, everything seems possible. We become optimistic. We simply believe more in ourselves. And I believe that it is the strength of our community that is what turns all of those “can’t” into “cans.”
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